As I mentioned in a previous post, this past year has been a difficult one for me. That's fantastic, really, because those of us who know Christ as Lord and Savior know that it's the valleys that create the Christ-likeness in us. We are all too quick to pat ourselves on the back when things are hunky-dory, when we are looking out on life from the mountain top; to congratulate ourselves on a job well done. When, in reality, it is the sustaining grace of the God of the Universe which has kept the road smooth and easy.
One of my many faults is that when things get tough for me, I tend to think too much. I try to intellectualize myself out of my trial. If only I think hard enough I might find the loophole, you know. During my recent trial I became disillusioned with my job of wife and mother. I was tired, drained, and down. I felt unproductive and unloved. I saw other women "doing it all": skinny homeschooling fashionistas with brilliant kids and three jobs on the side with husbands who adore the ground they walk on and who use only organic produce while baking their own bread from scratch. You know the ones. I began to think, "What can I add to my life so that I, too, can be like them?"
Oh, Sisters, nothing.
I have wanted to be many things over the course of my life. Everything from an aeronautical engineer to a teacher to a professional quilter. But do you know what? One thing that I have ALWAYS wanted to be, regardless of what else I thought I could be on top of everything, was a wife and mother. I have always dreamed of being a loving wife and mother. And, here is the best part, it is enough. It IS my dream. I do not need to seek fulfillment outside of this. It is challenging. It is rewarding. It is difficult, fun, joyful, mentally and physically demanding, gratifying, productive, worthwhile, and satisfying. And, ultimately, it's effects are longer-lasting and more beneficial to society than any other role I could possibly undertake.
So here is my encouragement to all of you out there: Live your dream.
Don't let anyone tell you that you have to seek fulfillment outside of this role. The job of wife and mother, if well done, will be a lasting crown through this life and into eternity. And as you trek the path of your life through mountain-tops and valleys alike, you will closer resemble you Savior.
Now that's a dream come true.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
To say that it has been quiet around here lately is a monumental understatement. As a matter of fact, the dust is an inch thick and I’ve had to shake out the rugs and battle the cobwebs. At least a couple of you have noticed the prolonged silence and emailed with a thoughtful, “What’s up.” I am profoundly grateful for those communications. It prevents me, at times, from slipping too deeply into my own issues and trials. Thanks.
The past year has been tough for me. A diagnosis of anemia, followed by months of declining instead of improving, has taken its toll. I do not care to relive the specifics, but suffice it to say, it has affected me profoundly. A dear friend who has gone through the same struggle recently confessed, “It’s a dark, dark time.” Yep. That about sums it up. Waking up every day for a year feeling exhausted and run down, and yet having a plethora of never-ending responsibilities on the to-do list drains the fun out of things a just a bit. After months of fighting for joy it becomes easier to throw your hands up in defeat and accept a joy-less existence. My faith has been tested and I am ashamed to say, I have failed multiple times.
But I have learned a few things. God is so gracious to meet us in our trials and gently lead us to a greater knowledge of Him. God is so gracious to allow us trials that we might see Him with our own eyes, instead of relying on our perceived super-human selves. I am not a super-human, multitasking, got-it-together girl. Not at all. But thankfully I do serve a super-powerful, omnipresent, loving, universe-creating God who cares about me.
So while I try a new doctor and plan to do something more drastic than change my diet and drink metallic-tasting iron supplements twice a day, I will rest in my loving God. I will rest in the fact that He has ordained all these days for His glory and my good. I will rest in the God “who always leads us in triumph in Christ,” even when the path lies through dark times.
Praise the Lord.