The Greatest Place on Earth (a.k.a. How To Usher Seven People Through Disneyland Without Losing Your Marbles)

On Monday we visited "The Greatest Place on Earth" to celebrate the birthday of our king youngest. As we were tramping countless miles through masses of humanity, overpriced culinary temptations, and more flashing lights than a normal human being can possibly handle without seizing I though, "This would make an amusing blog post." And here it is:

Tip #1: Plan Your Visit for the Most Random Weekday Possible

We have learned from experience that one has to be an insane psychopath to visit Disneyland in the summer or, heaven-forbid, at Christmastime. During that week between Christmas and New Years they will have somewhere in the vicinity of 70,000 people in the park per day. Yes, you read that correctly. Don't do it. Consider yourself warned. January 24th was a perfect day as all the kids (college included) were back in classes. Yay for homeschooling!

Tip #2: Never Pass Up an Opportunity to Have All of the Children Contained in an Enclosed Environment

Call it a photo op. Call it a chance to pretend you're in a movie. Call it whatever you want. But revel in the few moments of having them in an inescapable position.

Tip #3: Let One Person Dictate What Happens Next

Seven people = seven completely different opinions. You will be quickly driven to insanity if you allow everyone to share their opinion about what to do next. "Pirates! Snow White! Haunted Mansion! Splash Mountain!" Since we usually are celebrating a birthday when we are at Disney, the birthday boy/girl chooses the itinerary. Even if they're 4 and don't know the difference between the Matterhorn and Space Mountain. I am happy to call the Matterhorn Space Mountain, if necessary. 

Tip #4: Definitely Get the Birthday Button

Because when you are the youngest of five you need all the help you can get in the attention department!

Not that your inflated ego needs too much help.

Tip #5: Do Not, Under Any Circumstances, Pass Up an Opportunity to Have Everyone Use the Bathroom

Seriously, my kids think that I have a problem, but if we pass a public restroom we use it...no matter what. Don't tell me you don't need to go, it will fall on deaf ears. Because Mommy will respond in a less-than-gracious way if you spring on her that you have to go potty when we are 3 people away from getting on the Dumbo ride. Trust me, it is NOT pretty!

Tip #6: Bring Advil

Because you WILL need it and you WILL NOT want to walk all the way over to Magoo's Tattoo to buy 2 pills for $1.57. Trust me.

Tip #7: Pack Seven Water Bottles, the Camera, Sunscreen, Snacks, Ponchos, Sweatshirts, and Sunglasses into One Gigantic Backpack and Give it Your Teenage Male Offspring to Carry

It levels the playing field a bit and slows him down enough that you can keep up. Plus, you don't have to buy seven water bottles at $3 a piece.

Tip #8: Definitely See The "World of Color" Show at California Adventure

Despite the cost of getting "reserved viewing" status, waiting for one hour while sitting on the cold concrete, trying to come up with games to keep the slightly-less-than-enthused under 14 crowd occupied during said waiting period, answering all the questions of the "chatty Cathy" sitting next to you, it was well worth it. Ah-May-Zing!!!!

Tip #9: Let Your Strong, Manly Husband Carry the Conked-Out Birthday Boy the 247 Miles Back to the Car

I offered to empty the stroller so that we could push him back and Gustav said, "No Way. I want to carry him." Yep. That's my man.

Tip #10: Be Thankful That the Lord Has Blessed You So Very Richly.

Because He most definitely has. And I most definitely do.