Potty-Training 101

A condensed and moderately humorous look at potty-training (from someone who has done this five times.)

(1) Keep the child naked from the waist down. This will facilitate those frantic running-for-the-bathroom-before-he-finishes dashes. Just be sure to pick him up facing AWAY from you. This is very important.

(2) Keep a stack of books in the bathroom to keep him occupied while you "wait." Don't worry, though, he'll pick the same book every time. Danny and the Dinosaur gets really annoying when you've read it six times in two hours.

(3) Have a small container of M&M's on the back of the toilet for rewarding successes. Or for making yourself feel better after no successes at all. A little chocolate never hurt.

(4) Stay positive. Despite what it feels like, he really will get it eventually. Push those nightmarish thoughts of coaxing your 18 year old college freshman to "put his pee-pee's in the potty" right out of your head.

(5) Praise for a job well done, but, for heaven's sake, don't scare him. The first time my current 2 year old pooped in the potty I screamed so loud I made him cry.

(6) Those aren't pee-stains on my carpet, it's where my son marked his territory!

(7) When you pull off the soggy Thomas-the-Tank-Engine underpants make a super-duper sad face and say, "Thomas is SO, SO sad that he's covered in pee. Wow, he reeaalllly didn't want this to happen. He thought for sure you'd put it in the potty." Because if personifying a silk-screened face on the tush of a 2T pair of underpants is going to get the job done, I'm game.

(8) Enjoy the ride, because soon he'll be learning to drive. And then you will long for the easy-peasy days of potty-training.